Journal 6-23-2013

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So it's been a while since I wrote up a journal and I kinda feel bad about it, yet at the same time I've been in a bit of a tunnel-vision mindset, mainly focused on work and trying to resettle myself so I feel like being social. Hopefully this will be somewhat insightful.

 

First off is an issue with the same friend that had an issue with my attention span. Over the last several months she has been fighting anxiety and insomnia. However, over the last two months she's gotten to the point that even when I do hang out with her, at least once there is a blowout along the lines of "I could disappear and no one would notice or care", and despite me saying that I would care, she continues along these lines. It's so royally infuriating for me, because as a number of you know, I have only so much patience for hysterics. I know people have different issues that they fight, and that everyone is allowed an amount of tolerance for this. I follow this too, and even though this has been building up for several months, it's only recently that it's gotten to the point of "Either do something about it or stop complaining". I've tried being polite about saying that she needs to do something about this issue, and not just lean on the anti-anxiety medication that she's on, because it's not going to fix the issues, and unfortunately it resulted in her saying that I was stepping on her feelings. I know this person knows that medication is a tool, as she's one of the people who was one of the individuals who was edgy when I started on Zoloft, and that it takes external effort for the medication to take full effect. When every time I'm around said individual I feel that the entire time can be completely ruined by one of these blowouts just due to the sheer perpetual negativity, it becomes hard for me to even be around them consistently. It is even more aggravating when I can't go a week before having the person basically demand that I hang out with them within the next week, when I haven't hung out with several other friends in MONTHS! My best friend, Kenny, I have only seen in passing, and that at a restaurant that both our households had been had, maybe three times since I moved out of my apartment at the end of Febuary. I haven't had the heart to tell the person that because of these blowouts that I've been more and more reluctant to even get a ride around from them, as I know she's going to take it as my completely abandoning her. I really would like to see this person better, but I can't consistently put aside work, watching after John, and the few other times I socialize, just to coddle someone who is choosing to let their problems devour them. Harsh, yes, but I don't feel like eating negativity to the point that it causes problems in MY life as well. I will point out that I don't intend on completely cutting this person out of my life, if nothing else because she's holding onto some of the most expensive possessions I own, but also because they have been a good friend; and just because I don't know what the hell to do to help them break this funk, doesn't mean I don't want to be their friend.

 

On the part of finding a place to live, I talked with Elysa's parents and they let me move in a couple months ago. Rent is relatively loose, more on the aspect of toss a bit of cash into the household when I get my paycheck, watch after John on my off days, and help out with various chores. I now have the majority of my stuff sitting in the garage, and trying to be patient so that everything is clean before I bring it into the house. I finally got tired of the exterminator not getting back to me and told him that I'd just wait, the land lord ended up irritating me in response by saying that he'd pegged me as "dangerously irresponsible" and I have the feeling had been setting the exterminator on other jobs to dissuade me from living at his apartments. All-in-all, I think I'm getting a better deal out of not renting from him in the first place, as I'm able to get more cash saved up before moving to a new place, and I'm able to figure what I do and don't need more easily.

 

Socially I'm trying to break out of my slump, and have been using the normal Wednesday pie night at Village Inn as an accelerant to my being fully social again. Meeting with people of a couple different groups and talking has helped a bit so far. Once the weather cools down a little more, and IF I can get a ride, or someplace to crash the Saturday before, go to Amtgard. I just request my friends be patient with me, it might be a while before I pull myself out of being a hermit completely. Text me, find me on the various sites you know I'm on, email me, what have you. I'm doing a decent amount to help break free, but it will take a while.

© 2013 - 2024 ScionofApolo
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